Rabbie Goes Job Huntin'

Okay. If he were alive today what type of work employment would Rabbie seek - for surely a job seekers allowance would not be enough to support his women, children and drinking!

Can you imagine the conversation if he popped into his local Reed employment agency, to meet up with the advisor there - Willie Getwirk. It might go along these lines.

Willie - Good afternoon Mr Burns
Rabbie - Call me Rabbie
Willie - All right Rabbie, can we start with your qualifications, GCSEs or A Levels?
Rabbie - Nae qualifications. A wee bit o' Latin and Greek.
Willie - Oh dear that's a pity. Tell me a little about your first job. You were a...
Rabbie - Plou'man
Willie - Plou'man? Ah yes a ploughman - well then, what make of tractors have you worked on
Rabbie - Tractors? Whit's a tractor?
Willie - This might be more difficult than I anticipated. I'm looking at your early references from the farm. The say "Mr Burns works very hard when he's not writing poems about mice and daisies. But these poems tend to have an impact on his productivity as a ploughman." Would that be right Rabbie?
Rabbie - Aye, that's right
Willie - The reference also goes on to say that "after a hard night at the bothy, Mr Burns was often unable to plough in a straight line the next day" Would that be right?
Rabbie - Aye
Willie - I'm afraid this is going to take a bit more effort than I expected. Could you come back tomorrow and we'll see what we can do. And one more thing, Rabbie
Rabbie - Aye
Willie - The next time you fill in an application form - it doesn't all need to be written in verse!

More Lines Written on a Banknote

In 1780, Robert Burns wrote a clever, though sad little poem "Lines Written on a Banknote" where he bemoans the fact that for lack of a banknote, he has lost his girlfriend, he can't afford to drink, and he may have to leave Scotland forever.

I hope he, (and you) will forgive me if I imagine what he would write this morning, if he were alive today.....

More Lines Written on a Banknote

Oh banknote, if ye only knew
The battle that's been waged for you
The fights which ha'e on this occasion
Almost tore apart a nation
But mornin's here, oot comes the sun
The fight is o'er, the votin' done
And banknote, tho' sae scarce an' small
You have a lesson for us all
First of all you ye are the token
O' promise, that must ne'er be broken
Sae may each promise made today
Be aye fulfilled, noo, come what may
And banknote ye can surely claim
Tho' both your sides are no the same
Whenever these two sides unite
You've got more strength to face each fight
And for you, one last thing I long
May ye aye be guid and strong!

Tae a Password

It's strange, isn't it how sometimes, fate intervenes. I was about to add a post about "Tae a Meerkat", knowing how many of you, are so keen to hear it - but couldn't sign on  to the blog site - trouble with my login password. I'm sure most of you have faced the same problem - and sadly, it gets much worse as you grow older.

So, just like Robert Burns wrote "Tae  a Mouse" when he disturbed its little nest , as he was working in the field, in 1785, I was inspired by these circumstance, to write "Tae a Password".

Tae a Password

My heart is fu' o' deep forbode
Wee password, you, yestreen, I know'd
But noo forgotten, oh my Goad,
Withoot a doot
If I should get you rang once mair,
I'll be locked oot

On helpline, to some Indian brother
I'll try tae tak' the problem futher
But we'll nae understand each other,
Wi' accents strong
And password-less, I'll start to write,
One mair sad song

Oh wid that God, some day could hand us
Translatin' phones, that some day land  us
A way, so helplines understand us,
God make it soon!
But till that day arrives, ma password,
 I'll write doon

It doesn't quite have the pathos of the original "Tae a Mouse", but you can't have everything - unless you're Simon Cowell

Tae a Curry

You're back, are you? Or maybe this is your  first visit, and you just wanted to start at the second post. - a bit weird eh? Anyway, since yesterday, I've spent some time thinking about what Burns would make of the world we currently live in, and have been inspired (?) to produce a version of the poem I mentioned yesterday. (If you've started at post 2 you won't have a clue what I'm talking about - so it would be better to read yesterday's post and come back)

Anyway without any further ado hear is my guess at how Robert Burns would now write "Tae a Curry"

Tae a Curry (by Ian Rae under the influence of Robert Burns)

Oh great big plate o' spicy curry
I'll no forget you in a hurry
Tho' in the loo, I might just worry at whit I've done
There'e no anither dish compares noo', 'neath the sun

You may be rich and awfu' fatty
But served up wi' some nice Basmati
Or even wi a wee chipatti, I crave each bite
And tho' I'm bound to get the skitters that's  a' right

And when to wife back hame I stagger
Wi' doggie bag and cans o' lager
And curry breath enough to gag her, withoot a doot
She yells "you're drunk" and slams the door and locks me oot

Is that enough to make me famous 250 years from now - I doubt it - and by the way, spell check doesn't seem to be very impressed with my prowess either - however, I bet you can't wait for "Tae a Meerkat"- but you'll just have to