Pre Minstrel Tension

One of the things that would certainly surprise Burns, nowadays,  would be what I call Pre Minstrel Tension.

You've probably all seen it on the TV - shows like the X factor, when they announce which minstrel is going to go through to the next round,  have a thirty second delay, usually with music with a pronounced drum beat. You must have seen it.

"And coming back next week...." boom boom tacka tacka boom (music interlude) is "Isa Badsinger." It happens everywhere, Strictly Come Dancing, just about every quiz show you can imagine - even the news has some headlines before the opening music.

It's supposed to build up the tension before the big announcement, but sometimes the tension music is long enough for you to go off and make a cup of tea! I suppose if it's just  a way of filling up time on the show, it works quite well. Can you imaging the planning meeting? It's a 60 minute quiz show, so we'll make sure we have twenty minutes of tension music in each show. That way we'll really build up the ...............tension

And it's not going to stop at this. Can you imagine going to the doctor and waiting for his diagnosis. "I've seen the blood tests and what you have is...." boom boom tacka tacka boom (music interlude) "....high cholesterol." And if you don't have a heart attack waiting for the final diagnosis you're pronounced fit. They'll probably have the same thing at the ATM when you want to see your bank balance. "Your current balance is...."  boom boom tacka tacka boom (music interlude) ...."£2.46"

It's just as well they didn't have it in Burns' day Can you imagine...

"Fair Fa' your honest, sonsie....."boom boom tacka tacka boom (music interlude) ....."face,
Great chieftain o' the puddin'.....boom boom tacka tacka boom (music interlude) ....."race"

Can you imagine it. Burns suppers would go on all through the night!!!

More Lines Written on a Banknote

In 1780, Robert Burns wrote a clever, though sad little poem "Lines Written on a Banknote" where he bemoans the fact that for lack of a banknote, he has lost his girlfriend, he can't afford to drink, and he may have to leave Scotland forever.

I hope he, (and you) will forgive me if I imagine what he would write this morning, if he were alive today.....

More Lines Written on a Banknote

Oh banknote, if ye only knew
The battle that's been waged for you
The fights which ha'e on this occasion
Almost tore apart a nation
But mornin's here, oot comes the sun
The fight is o'er, the votin' done
And banknote, tho' sae scarce an' small
You have a lesson for us all
First of all you ye are the token
O' promise, that must ne'er be broken
Sae may each promise made today
Be aye fulfilled, noo, come what may
And banknote ye can surely claim
Tho' both your sides are no the same
Whenever these two sides unite
You've got more strength to face each fight
And for you, one last thing I long
May ye aye be guid and strong!

Tae a Meerkat

One of the fascinating features of reciting or singing Robert Burns' poetry or songs, is the look of confusion on the faces of the (normally English) audiences when faced with Burns' language. Since we often do recitals/talks on Burns in order to promote our CD of love songs,  Burns, Banks and Braes,  we are used to the bemused looks, even if, as in "Tae a Mouse" there are large sections of standard English. 

For this reason, before I relate "Tae a Meerkat", it is probably best if I outline a little about the background, for the benefit of those outside the UK who don't have  our TV adverts over here. There is a long standing advertising campaign, here where Meerkats, wearing clothes, and speaking in Russian accents, are confused about the differences between  comparethemeerkat.com and comparethemarket.com If you go on to Youtube and enter "compare" and "Meerkat" you'll see lots of examples.

Anyway, if Burns were alive today, he would probably be annoyed at the injustice of having these Meerkats having to move from Africa to central Europe to advertise a web site. And his poem would probably go like this

Tae a Meerkat

Oh Meerkat are you nae aware noo
Wi' what they TV folks compare you?
And does it never ever scare you,
How you are seen?
A furry Russian creature
On the screen

Oh meerkat you would never roam
Sae many miles away from home
A' dressed up like a garden gnome,
It's just no joke
So sair abused - enough tae
Make you boke

But meerkat hear noo whit I say
They TV men will rue this day
I've called the R.S.P.C.A,
Wi' all their sources
Wait till they feel the weight
O'  meerkat forces!

Hardly worth waiting for, was it?