A Job's a Job For A' That

It's Friday morning - and Rabbie, despite his lack of success trying to find employment as a ploughman,  has returned to Reed employment to see if Willie Getwirk can find him any other kind  of  job

Willie - Apart from working on a farm, have you any other employment experience?
Rabbie -Aye I worked as an exciseman in Dumfries - you know - collecting taxes from folk
Willie - Now that's a bit more promising - though collecting taxes is not normally a very popular job.
Rabbie - Wis nae very popular with me - in fact ah wrote a poem aboot it - the deil's awa' wi the Exciseman
Willie - Really Mr Burns! You can't afford to impact your productivity at work by continually, writing poems. A bit of Facebook or Twitter is acceptable,, but writing poems is just not on.
Rabbie - But ah like writin' poetry. I'd like to be a poet
Willie - There's not much money to be made out of poetry nowadays - unless you're the poet laureate.
Rabbie - Aye right
Willie - You're not bad looking - can you sing and dance? Maybe we can get you into a boy band
Rabbie - Ah cannae dance, an' I'm no much of a singer
Willie - Perfect - I can think of a number of bands you could fit into right away
Rabbie - I had some success writin' songs
Willie -  You'd stand a better chance of success  in a boy band if you can't write songs but think you can. There's no end of these bands. On second thoughts it's probably best if we deliberate a bit more. Don't call us - we'll call you.

Robert Burns and Online Dating

It is generally accepted that in his short life, Robert Burns managed to father at least thirteen children, by four separate women.

Can you imaging what he could have done today, with the possibilities of better transport, better communication and more worryingly, online dating? Certainly logging on to a computer would have been ideal for Robert. Even at a very early age, he was writing poems to make the girls fall for him. Just imagine if he were using the same method today. No need to painstakingly write poems by hand - he could even use the same poem and send it to dozens of potential admirers.

And another thing. One of the problems he had with his first crush, Alison Begbie, was her name, which let's face it, wasn't very poetical. Seemingly, he referred to her as Peggy Alison (I can't see how that helped all that much). But nowadays, using online dating, he could then pick girls who had poetic names, like June (to rhyme with June) or Alice (to rhyme with palace)  and of course he would ignore girls with names like Natasha, which is much harder to rhyme. I was going to say that Natasha is not to be sneezed at - but that would be a very bad joke - so please forget I mentioned it.

And another thing - he could use the internet rhyme web sites to speed up the process of writing his poems and love songs, to allow more time to be with the lassies.

Which would invariably led to far more than thirteen children- and unlucky for some!!

Tae a Curry

You're back, are you? Or maybe this is your  first visit, and you just wanted to start at the second post. - a bit weird eh? Anyway, since yesterday, I've spent some time thinking about what Burns would make of the world we currently live in, and have been inspired (?) to produce a version of the poem I mentioned yesterday. (If you've started at post 2 you won't have a clue what I'm talking about - so it would be better to read yesterday's post and come back)

Anyway without any further ado hear is my guess at how Robert Burns would now write "Tae a Curry"

Tae a Curry (by Ian Rae under the influence of Robert Burns)

Oh great big plate o' spicy curry
I'll no forget you in a hurry
Tho' in the loo, I might just worry at whit I've done
There'e no anither dish compares noo', 'neath the sun

You may be rich and awfu' fatty
But served up wi' some nice Basmati
Or even wi a wee chipatti, I crave each bite
And tho' I'm bound to get the skitters that's  a' right

And when to wife back hame I stagger
Wi' doggie bag and cans o' lager
And curry breath enough to gag her, withoot a doot
She yells "you're drunk" and slams the door and locks me oot

Is that enough to make me famous 250 years from now - I doubt it - and by the way, spell check doesn't seem to be very impressed with my prowess either - however, I bet you can't wait for "Tae a Meerkat"- but you'll just have to

First Thoughts

Ok then, just tell me why you're reading this? Could you be an avid follower of Robert Burns' poetry and songs, and  hoping to increase your knowledge? If so tough - you won't learn much here! Maybe it's just that the TV is so boring (with back to back soaps and reality shows) that in desperation you've arrived here. Well perhaps my idea for a new show "Strictly Come Try Brain Surgery" would appeal -  the loser always finishes up having a lobotomy administered by the winning contestant - though perhaps not.

The bottom line is that this blog is not so much about thoughts about Robert Burns, as about me imagining how Robert Burns would deal with modern life in 2014. Would, instead of writing "Tae a Haggis" would he be agonising over "Tae a Curry"; Instead of "Tae a Moose" would he be influenced by TV advertising and write "Tae a Meerkat" -they seem far more amusing than mice (Mickey and Minnie excluded) Or would he be so busy chatting to girls on his Aye Phone that he doesn't have enough time to write anything....?

So that's it. If you're still reading this, please return to for the next fascinating instalment. If you're not reading this I might as well stop now......

Oh, by the way if you are an avid follower of Robert Burns you might as well visit my web site www.RobertBurnsSongs.co.uk It's got to be more interesting than "Strictly Come Try Brain Surgery"

Though maybe not......